Shiver
by subwayzombie
Summary: "Over the years they had begun picking up these little habits that he acknowledged if he was a better man, one more capable of doing what was probably the right thing, he should've put an end to immediately..." - Just a little short bit where Soul thinks over how he feels about Maka. - Rated T for minor bad language.


**A/N:** Hi y'all. This is my third fan fiction! This is just a little short bit about Soul working through his feelings in his ever changing relationship with his meister. It stands on it's own but you could also consider it to be a precursor to my first story, Strange Condition, if you wanted to.

I don't own Soul Eater or any of these characters. Keeping with my usual hate for making up titles for stories, this story is also named after a song. So on that note I also don't own Shiver by Coldplay that this story is named after.

Rated T for some minor bad language.

I hope you enjoy.

 **-A**

* * *

He knew how he really felt about her. He'd know it since the day they met. That day he realized she was the first person to look at him.

Maybe look at him wasn't the best way to describe it, look into him was probably more accurate. She'd seen right through him and despite having no idea what she was getting into, she accepted him completely and without hesitation. She really was an idiot that way. The way he felt about her then was intense but it was nothing compared to what it felt like now.

The way he felt about her now made his first feelings for her look like a sad little crush, maybe it was. They were basically kids then, not that 16 made them mature adults, but he was pretty sure the things they'd been through since they met gave them at least a couple years maturity on the average teenager. In the beginning his feelings for her were all about appreciation and gratitude. They stemmed from a kind of reverence he felt for who she was and the person that she made him want to be.

This was so different. These feelings were terrifying, intimidating and all consuming. They were slowly spreading their way through him in a style similar to the very literal black blood that had spread through his body, threatening to drive him mad every time he saw her and damn if that wasn't inconvenient.

Over the years they had begun picking up these little habits that he acknowledged if he was a better man, one more capable of doing what was probably the right thing, he should've put an end to immediately but instead he was selfish because they felt good and he liked what they implied.

He felt good when he would grab her hand while on missions away from Death City and the eyes of the people who knew them and instead of pulling away she'd lace her fingers through his. He felt content when they'd lounge on the couch together at night and occasionally she'd swing her legs over his lap and they'd spend the rest of their evening that way like it wasn't even slightly unnatural.

He was stunned stupid though the first time she showed up in his doorway in the middle of the night and asked if she could sleep in his room. They didn't do anything to be ashamed of, they'd just slept, and he was sure it was a much bigger deal to him than to her. The next day, and every next day after she'd sleep in his room or vice versa she'd revert back to her usual self, sporting the same avoidant personality, and they absolutely never spoke about the part of those nights where she would inevitably begin to fall deeper asleep and tuck herself up against him while he ran his fingers through her hair. He thought he did "cool" well but she was either a certified professional at holding in her emotions or it was the more likely but depressing alternative, she really looked at him in a strictly plutonic way. He hated how likely that theory seemed to be.

It felt like he was drowning in her. What started as simple mindless devotion had bloomed into an emotion he didn't have a word for. Well, there was a word for it, a well known and over used word, but he wasn't ready to say that one out loud yet. He wasn't ready to face the possible rejection and inevitable life of misery that was sure to follow that kind of confession. Pining really wasn't cool.

So he took every stuttered heartbeat at her innocent touch and every strain in his chest at her unwavering faith in him and he shoved them down into a place he hoped no one would ever find them. He practiced keeping his mind off these kinds of feelings everyday so he'd never have to deal with the moment when they might bite him in the ass and cause real problems for them, in battle or otherwise.

He thought he'd been doing a pretty damn good job acting like he wasn't completely obsessed with her. He still teased her like always. He'd even taken his best guy friend's surely stupid advice and started dating. Or going on dates anyways. He couldn't see the same girl more than a couple times before losing his patience and blowing off a date to just go home and hang out with his meister.

Overall, he thought to any casual observer he definitely passed for at least as detached as she was, so that day when they were sitting outside the academy with their friends, her leaning back into his shoulder and him reaching around absently to push some hair that fell loose back behind her ear, the comment from their friend really threw him. Kid, in his usual direct but non calculated way pointed out that they looked comfortable with a slightly raised eyebrow. Her face was a mass of confusion. She really had no idea what he was implying.

Soul promptly told Kid to shut up all while throwing in some of his usual lines explaining all the reasons he absolutely, definitely was not, nor could ever be interested in, much less the word he couldn't say, with Maka. He shocked himself with his ability to lie between his teeth to his friends about it but he smirked and played it off and took with grace her attack with the blunt object to his head that followed anyways.

He didn't want to lie anymore, but he guessed when it came to dealing with love that was probably definitely unrequited, that was the only cool thing to do.

* * *

Roast or Rave as you wish. Thanks for reading!

 **-A**


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